DIARY OF MISS WAYWARD: JOURNEY TO SELF OR SELF-DESTRUCT
(PREMIER EPISODE: NEW YEAR RESOLUTION)
This is filled with weird shit, share to the next person. Let me introduce myself. Call Miss Wayward, I don’t have a country and I want to prove to the whole world that I can impact it positively. Thank you YoungandFlawless for giving me a space in his blog. Today I’m going to let you in to my life. Don’t judge me, but watch and learn let my story resound…
In three, two, one- And once again, its time for the whole “new year, new me” bullshit. Mom is so prayerful and forces us against our will to come down to the parlor for new year prayers and the proclamation of our new year resolutions. The TV is on and an overdressed preacher wearing a multi-cloured tie starts prophesying how fruitful the new year would be. Bobo, my brother, resolves that he would stop drinking, my Pa swears to quit smoking and my
Ma says she would stop screaming. This is a kind of vicious cycle of new year resolutions. Resolutions that they would broken before a week runs by. It was the exact crap last year but I still found packets of cigarette under Bobo’s pillow, my Pa was hiding his beer in Fruit juice bottles and Ma was screaming like never before. I didn’t have the muscle to give a glamorous new year resolution so I said; “I would stop kissing boys until my Dolce & Gabbana Monica Voluptuous Lipstick finishes”. That was where the problem started. Ma and Pa start fuming about how wayward I was and my brother bemoans on how I had so much nerves.
Do not get me wrong, I know my new year resolution suggests that I’ve been kissing boys. Well, at least I would stop not because of the new year but my dopest Dolce & Gabbana Monica Voluptuous Lipstick. Why do people go through the stress of waiting for a whole year to set unattainable goals for themselves. If you’ve got to do something, do it because every moment of your life is anew.
I love my new year resolution; its classy and filled with truth. My Dolce & Gabbana Monica Voluptuous Lipstick cost a fortune. Aunty Sonia, my Black American sister-inlaw, bought it $34 all the way from the land of sweet bread and large tomatoes, its the dopest thing I had ever gotten for Christmas. Just convert that money to Zimbabwe dollars, then you would know what I mean; your calculator would display ‘Syntax Error’. So why in the world would I be smearing wealth on the lips of some street boy who can’t even afford to buy himself weed or a bible or other necessary commodity. But I’ll miss kissing with all its salivaryness, its a very hard decision, but I’ve put my foot down. So no kissing until my Dolce & Gabbana Monica Voluptuous Lipstick. Trust me, it would be a very long time.
This post is dedicated to colored, white, straight, gay, man, woman to deemphasize or call bluff this ‘new year new me’. My boring geography lecture said something about the earth revolving, but you are not the earth, then why wait for a whole 365 days to set your goals, or forgive your spouse, or buy that fancy car, or apply for knowledge, or start studying hard.
By the way, why are you snooping through my private stuff? This is my freaking diary for God sake? I’m calling my lawyer. Guess who she is; Viola Davis from HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER. Well, I forgive you if you CLICK HERE to like us on Facebook, share along, subscribe and tell me about your own new year resolution on the comment box.
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Stay tuned to my latest adventure in this crazy world.
KEEP ON STAYING FLAWLESS
FOR THE YOUNG AT HEART